Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a
straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue
blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat
Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler
body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all
heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat
will stretch to a distance proportional to the length
of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats
must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position
as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as
comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat
Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to
reach just about any counter top that has anything
remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction:
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to
obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a
constant rate, until he gets good and ready to
stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must
attend all meals when anything good is served.
Especially when guests are present.
Law of Rug
Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat
state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance: A
cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
desire for her to do something.
Law of Energy
Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be
created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as
little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy
Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be
stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator
Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long
enough, someone will come along and take out something
good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into
bed at the speed of light
Law of Random Comfort
Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over,
the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of
Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible
nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's
irritation rises in direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in
milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of
Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch
furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always
land in the softest place possible; often the
mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law
of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will
displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk
consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest
level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has
the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter +
Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter!!!
Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain
at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such
as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying
mouse.
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